The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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