Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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