OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's always time for handjobs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
