First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
