Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
