He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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