i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
