Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
