So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
