Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
