I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Soap is not a condiment
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
