Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
