dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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