you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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