Pappa wants mamma naked
it hurts more in the daytime
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
