I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize