Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
