So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
