Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
