I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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