I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you had me at cake vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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