my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
