You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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