I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize