And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
