I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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