For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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