WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
