the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want nice things and good sex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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