he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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