you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
