don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
