I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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