quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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