glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
its not stalking. its research.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
