woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
