We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
