you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
