his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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