Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
