dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
