just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
