Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
