Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
