A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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