Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
