i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
