my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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