I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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