what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
