Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Enjoy the penises
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
