i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
