Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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