I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
