She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize