So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
