I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
