Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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