i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
