I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
