I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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