Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
