someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
