Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he fucked my hip out of place.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
