what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
