What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
