You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
