i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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