david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
