i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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