I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
