ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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