We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
