just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
