sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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