so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Operation Purity has been aborted
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
