Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
