do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
