too bad you live with your parents still
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
