I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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