I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
