I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize