yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
