he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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