I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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