Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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