at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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