i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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