oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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