His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize