i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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