theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
