Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
