So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
