They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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