it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
