Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
