Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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