we're blogging at a bar
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
