So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
