She is in my trunk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
