Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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