I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
