o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
