batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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