Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
