just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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