I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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