just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
