Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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