I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
