Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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