I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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