i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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