No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
