trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I could make wine with my vomit
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize