Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i out mim tonsoeep
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