remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
