it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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